Current mood:	sad
Current music:	She Wants Revenge - These Things

Black Dogs
So much has changed between us in the past year, and I'm still not used to it. I don't know if I will ever be used to it. I still expect to be the person you call when you're half way up a mountain, not the one who doesn't hear from you for weeks at a time. It huts a lot to know that that's not me any more. All kinds of things go through my mind. Sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong, of I ask if I was just a friend of convenience for you. Feels like I've been shelved and replaced in some capacities. I can't get used to not hearing from you as often because of whatever reason, and I can't be the person you call out of obligation. I hate that you treated me in a way that you couldn't maintain, but I love you even more than that. In fact, I think I may be in love. It only hit me recently. I'd thought about it before, but always dismissed the idea. I'd like to think that the romantic idea of unrequited love would be enough to balance the feeling that can eat away at me, but I can't exist in a relationship where half the time is spent adoring, and the other half is spent wanting to die for all the stupid reasons in the movies. The answer to this is so clear, but huts so much more than waiting for the upswing. In this moment, you are my love. I'll miss you.

Ryan xx